10.03.2006

Little Miss Cranky Pants does it again.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my current crisis has to do with the fact that I am seriously questioning my vocation. I have wondered if maybe I am so open to religious life simply because I have never made a romantic relationship work- they always end in disaster. That would be the worst reason in the world to choose religious life.

Besides, one would have to have what it takes to make a good wife and mother, and I don't think that I do.

Just a thought.

10.01.2006

Feh.

Once again, I have failed to post here for a long time, something like 2 weeks. It's for the same reason I always have for not posting here- I'm depressed.

There, I admitted it. I'm depressed, and it's because I'm feeling less than sure about my faith. Oh, I still go to Mass on Sunday, but I am filled with this sick feeling every time I think about anything to do with church and especially discerning my vocation.

Normally, I don't reach out when this bothers me. I just assume it'll pass. But it hasn't gotten any better in the past 2 weeks and I'm beginning to worry. I even went so far as to write Father Rex a letter about it (I'm still not sure why). I don't feel comfortable enough with the priests at my new church to even try to bring the subject up. Heavens, I'm not even sure if Fr. Dye even knows my name yet. There is nobody at my church that's anywhere close to my age, it seems. I feel alone.

I almost didn't go to Mass this morning. It was literally all I could do to drag myself out of bed , make myself presentable, get in the car and drive the five minutes to St. joseph's.

I don't know who to talk to about this. I know Catholics don't tend to lay on the guilt in times of crisis, but why am I having such a hard time admitting to someone that I need help? What is it that I'm so afraid of?