Women and the Priesthood

This is one of the topics within the Church that tends to get me into trouble. My views on this make a surprising number of people very angry.

I am sure that all of my readers are aware that women do not become priests in the Catholic Church. My understanding of it is thus: none of the twelve apostles were women, therefore, it is the church's judgement that Jesus did not mean for women to become priests. The Church did not arrive at this judgement lightly. These are highly educated people who are interpreting the will of God to the best of their ability, and they say that women will not become priests.

I don't have a problem with this. But I know a lot of people who do, and are shocked that I buy into this "oppressive garbage".

Let me clarify a few things. I've felt a calling to do something radical in the service of the Lord for much of my life. As a Methodist, I seriously thought long and hard about becoming a pastor, preaching God's word and being an instrument of His love. When I was considering becoming Episcopalian, one of the things I spent lots of time researching was the process of Episcopal priesthood. As a Catholic, I am recognized by my peers as being faithful, and I am looked to for spritual guidance by them. Honestly, if I were a man, I would become a priest.

That's the key thing here. I'm NOT a man, and thus the priesthood is not an option. This was a serious consideration for me- becoming Catholic meant I'd have to accept this as God's will with grace and dignity, and let Him decide how best to use me. I would not want to be a priest if it meant going against God's will and his Church. If the Pope- a highly educated, experienced, holy man- says that after many years of debate and research, there is no Scriptural basis for allowing a female Presbyterate, then I accept it and I am prepared to get on with my life.

I have heard tales of women becoming ordained 'priests' in secret ceremonies. I'm sorry to say tahat I think they're doing this for their own egos rather than for the good of the Church- most of them are married, some of them are lesbians, and I honestly don't think any are celibate. These women remove themselves from the Church by their actions, and for what? Making a statement? It's sad, and shocking, and I hope they can see the error of their ways before it's too late.

The Church's stance on women as priests does not mean that the Church sees women as inferior. On the contrary- women are a valued part of the community and have been since the time of Jesus. After all, women, while not apostles, were an important and respected part of Jesus' ministry (in a time where women were seen as little more than property). The Church continues to be one of the most truly pro-woman religious organizations I have ever encountered.

The debate on this will probably continue for a very long time. I have made my views known, and I stand by them.


Thursday 13s for 7/27/06

Thirteen People In My Life Who Have Inspired Me

1.Jesus Christ: This one should be very, very obvious. Jesus is everyone’s hero, whether they want to admit it or not.

2. Susan Hunt(my mom): She gave birth to me. She also did the very best she could to raise two children on her own while earning a bachelor's degree and working.It wasn’t easy for her in the least. She taught me perseverance and love of God, and I miss her as I get older (she died in 1997, when I was 22).

3. John Russell: John is a foul-mouthed pervert and relentless perfectionist. However, he taught me a lot about setting high standards. I believe he’s actually a very nice guy (no matter how little he wants to admit it). I really learned a lot while I worked for him.

4. Clay Graham: Clay is a teacher at Wright Business School. Being in his class is what made me want to teach. He is a shining example of not only a good teacher but a good person who sees his life as an opportunity to help others besides himself.

5. Deacon John Morris: Deacon John is awesome. He teaches the RCIA at my church, and does it so well that I NEVER got bored (that's sayin' something). He's a really nice guy, very smart, and interested in the candidates/catachumens as people.

6. Jason Hunt: Jason is my brother; therefore, he’s a tremendous pain. However, he is an extremely talented and versatile musician. He taught himself to play the guitar. He is a music teacher and professional musician now. He has also gotten my back when I’ve needed him to.

7. Miss Sara Smith: Miss Smith was my 4th grade teacher at Percy Priest Elementary, Nashville, TN. She was determined to find a way to get through to me without being tyrannical. She was an asset to the Davidson County School System, and a patient, creative teacher.

8. Mr. J. S. McClure: "Mr. Mac" was my 5th grade teacher at Eastside Elem. in Midwest City, OK. He had a real knack for reaching out to his students and finding the best in us. He really believed each of us was special.

9.Father Rex Arnold: Fr. Rex was raised Southern Baptist. He converted to Catholicism as an adult, and was ordained to the priesthood a few years ago. That is just so amazing. He's also extremely nice, generous, and loving.

10. Jean Moore: My mom's aunt Jean married a black man in the 1950's (which in Oklahoma was highly controversial). She speaks her mind honestly and lives her life on her terms.

11. Becka Brown: It takes real courage to admit that you're unhappy and that you want things to change. It takes even more courage to do something about it.

12. Theresa Lepak: Thanks for staying on my butt about stuff.

13. Religious sisters and nuns everywhere: they make a heavy-duty sacrifice to follow God's call.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

The Zeus Excuse

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Wonder if the temps in Hell dropped any...

After numerous invites, I FINALLY got my friend Becka to come with me to RCIA last night.

I hope she got something useful out of it. I really do. I know she craves direction, which is why I keep inviting her.

Y'all please pray for her- she's in the midst of a lot of life changes.


My Retreat Journal

I promised that I'd share details of my retreat with you today, and here I am about to keep that promise.

I spent a wonderful weekend at Our Lady of Sorrows Convent in Broken Arrow, OK (just outside of Tulsa).The Serra Club of Tulsa were responsible for feeding, housing, and informing some 30 of us (between the ages of 19 and 51, male and female, interested in a possible religious vocation). I met so many wonderful people and gained so, so much from the experience.

[I left OKC @ 2 on Friday, after eating lunch and making sure I was adequately prepared for a long trip. I hadn't driven myself this far in over three years and I wanted to be sure that it wouldn't be a disaster.
I arrived at the convent just before 5, giving myself adequate time to freshen up and settle in before Adoration. This was my first Adoration and I was excited.
After Adoration we had dinner. I politely ate my tuna fish sandwich, onions and all, and found my table mates to be very willing to talk about why they were there.
After our meal, we had Orientation and a keynote address.]

8:35 p.m.
This retreat is amazing. My past failures don't necessarily reflect poorly on me; they just indicate that I was on the wrong path. I am being called to serve God, I just know it (don;t ask me how). I've tried to fight it, unwilling to give up my materialistic goals because they were all I knew. I am tired of not being on the right path. I've had more than my fair share of doing my own will. Now it's God's turn.

[After the address, we had a small group session, where the leaders asked question and we took turns answering them. After that, we went back to the chapel (gorgeous chapel, BTW)for Night Prayer It was amazing and incredible and unlike anything else in the world. We had a social after that, but I really needed to get to bed after all that driving and praying so I didn't stay long.]

Saturday, 6/22/06
6:52 a.m.
It's nearly 10 minutes to 7 in the morning. For the first time in a long time I am up this early of my own volition.
We prayed the Liturgy of the Hours last night (night prayer). I remember where I recognize it from- we did this on Search.
Since I'm up so early anyway I will go down to the chapel and pray a Rosary before Morning Prayer. I'm so blessed.

7:25 a.m.
Prayed my rosary and am waiting for morning prayer to start.
I am really enjoying all this community prayer.

[Morning prayer, then Mass, then breakfast.]

9:07 a.m.
Ahhhhh. Breakfast.
WOW. This coffee is strong. I surely dont need a second cup. I definitely don't WANT one.
Am eating some sort of calorie loaded breakfast casserole. Looks like the diet is going on vacay this weekend.

[More talks, group discussions, and mad attempts to get back on schedule. Lunch, which was incredibly filling. Went on first Emmaus Walk with Sr. Sylvia of the Carmelites of St. Therese in OKC (nice to see a familiar face).]

2:10 pm

Talked to Sr. Sylvia. I have a lot to think on and a somewhat clearer view of what religious life is actually like. Heinously hot weather has cooled down enough to permit a walk on the grounds. I really need to become better versed in the basics of my faith, which only comes with practice.

[2 more presentations, then another Emmaus walk. I chose Sr. Maria Jacinta of the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary of Wichita. I will admit that though they are totally not in OKC, I am impressed enough with their order to add them to the list of convents that I will likely visit.]

5:30 PM
More talks. Have learned a lot about the day-to-day of the life of a nun, as well as a priest. (Tiny part of me wishes I were a guy so I could be a priest. Tiny.)
Abbot Lawrence Stasyzen, OSB, of St. Gregory's Abbey (Fr. Louis' homeboy!) sure did get awfully wound up about the Da Vinci Code at Mass this morning. (It's fiction, and as popular as it is it's likely to be boring. We GET it.) That level of deep seated resentment may require therapy. (It's a JOKE, people.)

Had a second Emmaus walk, this time with Sr. Mary Jacinta. It was most informative. Given my status as a neophyte, it will probably be required that I wait about three years before entering any convent, though I can probably spend part of that as a postulant. Patience isn't my strong suit, but this is God's call and I will do what is necessary to follow it. Besides, that should give me ample opportunity to pay off my medical bills and student loans. Besides, who knows what kind of impression I will make on the convent I end up at?
I admit that I am quite interested in the Sisters of IHM of Wichita. They seem to be a younger community (age limit is 34). More importantly, they provide education to the sisters, up to a Master's Degree in Theology! (Something I've wanted for myself anyway.) They're a teaching order, and I suppose they want their teachers to have very specific training.
It would be out-of-state, something that I hope my family, friends, and I can cope with. I'll pray on it, of course. I love this place; it is my hime and has been for most of my life, but such an order, a way of life, would be good for me.
The waiting will be beneficial- hopefully, I'll grow in my faith and my desire for religious life will become stronger (as did my desire for the Eucharist before Easter).

[Evening prayer, a really good dinner (thx Knight of Columbus of Tulsa), a few minutes of free time before the next presentation.]

7 pm
The longer I'm here, the more I know that I am called to be a bride of Christ. This place proves that the things in life I thought I wanted- money, popularity, approval- mean nothing in the grander scope of things. I'd rather pass on that, especially if it means that my living will actually make a difference.
The temps have dropped quite a bit out here, and it's tolerable to be outside. This place is gorgeous, and the grounds are fantastic. I enjoyed a few minutes sitting by the pond watching ducks swim and feeling the coolest breeze through my hair. It felt so good just to be alive at that moment.
This is the best life to have- one of daily prayer, learning, serving others, doing God's will and bringing him joy. I want so much to serve the church that has loved and nurtured me so much.

[The next presentation was really participatory- we discussed the pros and cons of consecrated life. Mostly, the participants named various pros and cons while the Fathers wrote these down on chalkboards (One in English, the other in Spanish- the whole retreat was bilingual). I would say these lists were comprehensive.
Then we split up by gender and the women went into another room to have a Q&A period with all the sisters from the various orders that were there. That really clarified a lot for me.
Holy Hour and night prayer followed. I received the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I made a five-minute appearance at the social afterward, then retired to my quarters to remove my contacts, write a letter to Fr. Rex, and get some much-needed sleep.
I awoke at 3 am or so and found that my roommate hadn't returned. I was a bit worried, so I went to look for her. My search was fruitless, so I stopped in at the smaller chapel for a sec then went back to bed. She had returned, and she asked me what was up. I told her nothing was, I'd just woken up and couldn't sleep.
Woke at 7 the next day, got cleaned up and dressed for Morning prayers and Breakfast. We had one last presentation, then we closed off with some evaluations. I finished mine quickly and went to get my room in order.
We had Mass at 10:45, with Bishop of Tulsa Edward Slattery presiding. We were then coerced outside for a group picture before heading to lunch. Bishop Slattery is very friendly and rather talkative.]

Sunday, 7/23/06
12:45 pm
Have just finished lunch (Serra Club wants us to have seconds, thirds, and fourths. Serrans have torpedoed my diet. Bleah.)
This weekend has been a tremendous blessing. It's provided clarity and fellowship. I feel confident in my calling and I pray for the strength to keep living a holier, more devout life. I want sisterhood more than I've wanted anything in my life.

[I said my goodbyes and left at a little after 1. I stopped in Muskogee to see my grandfather, then made the long drive back home.]


This concludes my account of my weekend in Tulsa. I have a much better idea of what I will eventually agree to and I look forward to that day with tremendous longing. Until then, I need to live my life, maybe get a few things done, and be thankful for it all.


Home is nice

It seems that every time I leave CRM alone for a few days, one of them posts. (In this case, prolifically.)

Will post my retreat diary tomorrow. I just feel like sackin' out right now.



I am about five minutes away from leaving for the Life Awareness Vocations Retreat in Tulsa. I thank you all for your prayers and kind words of encouragement. See you guys Monday!


Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen (basic) Things about Anastasia Hunt

1 . My full name is Anastasia Eve Hunt.
2 . I am from Oklahoma City, OK.
3 . I am a devout Catholic.
4 . I live with my brother and his wife (but not for long!)
5 . I drive a 1979 Honda Prelude.
6 . I am almost finished with business school.
7 . I am discerning a possible vocation to the religious life.
8 . I love mushroom/black olive/pineapple pizza.
9 . I have two blogs and a MySpace.
10. I believe that love really does conquer all (if you let it).
11. I love progressive and some alt rock- fav bands include The White Stripes, They Might Be Giants, and The Cure.
12. I firmly believe that God has a sense of humor.
13. I need to pack for my discernment retreat in Tulsa now.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Jennifer Sprague, High Top Baby Designs

2. armywife

3. sobeit

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Project Update

The church garden thing is slowly taking shape in my overtaxed and overheated brain. The Fr. Rother memorial garden is lovely. I took some pics with my camera phone.

Other places in the Archdiocese that I want a closer look at are:

St. Thomas More, Norman
Our Lady of Perpetual Help, OKC (Cathedral)
St. Francis of Assisi, OKC
Sacred Heart Abbey
St, Charles Borromeo
St. Joseph Old Cathedral

Also, I ask that if you live in the OKC Archdiocese and have any more suggestions, please let me know.

(I am aware that St. John's has a garden, and I hope to include it.)

Fr. Stanley Rother 1935-1981

I just got back from Okarche. There was a memorial service there for Fr. Stanley Rother.

For those of you who don't know the details, Father Rother was born and raised in Okarche. (Which is in Oklahoma, about 30 miles northwest of Oklahoma City.) After some struggles in seminary, he was ordained a priest in 1963. He served churches in Tulsa, Durant, and Oklahoma City.

In 1968, Fr. Rother volunteered to go serve the Oklahoma mission in Santiago Antitlan, Guatemala. He learned the language of the native Tzutuhil people. As time went on he gained the acceptance and love of the people there.

The late 70's and early 80's were politically turbulent times in Guatemala. The government had a massive grudge against the Church, the only institution trying to do something about the impoverished living conditions of the vast majority of the people. Priests, catechists and laypeople were tortured and killed.

Fr. Rother remained there for twelve years. He was persuaded to return home in January 1981, but he felt that he needed to go back; he couldn't forget his people. He returned in April 1981.

Fr. Stanley Rother was shot to death in his rectory in Santiago Antitlan on July 28, 1981. He gave his life to do the work of the Lord. It is the hope of many in our archdiocese and in the Church that he be canonized.

The memorial mass was a tremendous thing to take part in. I'm glad I went (despite the heat). The homily contained a lot for me to think about- not literal death, mind you, but how parts of me are going to have to die so that I can continue to grow.

Phew. I'm tired now (got up early this mornin'), so I think I'm gonna go ahead and turn in. Good night and God bless.



I Googled "Oklahoma Catholicism" (in hopes of finding more on the history of Catholicism in Oklahoma) and came up with this. (Not for the weak of stomach.)

On one hand, it makes me so angry. The attitudes behind this entire website are just so needlessly aggressive. If you don't believe what I do, okay. There's a possibility that I can't do anything about that. Stop trying to ruin it for those of us who do believe. Your arguments don't convince me; your attitude kinda pisses me off and depresses me.

On the other hand, it's just incredibly sad that apparently these people just can't trust. That's what it all boils down to, is trust. It's what comprises faith.

If you can't trust God, how can you believe in anything?

That's ok. I'll just pray for them. (If nothing else it'll really piss 'em off.)



Have you ever been to a mass where the homily seemed to speak directly to you?

Yeah. That totally happened to me. It made me feel that God was talking to me through Fr. John. It was amazing and incredible; I feel a lot better about the things that have been happening to me.

Also, Fr. Hamilton at CRM needs to get back from vacay. I'm fiending again, for of late the posts have been sporadic and a little odd (not that we don't love Fr. Tharp [whom my friend Theresa Lepak describes as actually a very sweet guy] but I fail to see how superheroes have much to do with well-deserved Catholic rage).

Speaking of Theresa, it looks like I may have her help on my garden project. (She has this sweet 8-megapixel camera and would thus act as primcipal photographer.) I'd like to develop it and see it I can shop it around as a magazine article; if not, then at least I can post it to the Internet.



How would you guys feel about a book on church gardens in Oklahoma? 'cos I feel like writing. And research. Oh yeah.


Pay attention (and eat your donut)

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States.
Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him.

"How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.

"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.

Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it"

Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts.

No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited. It was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

"Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship.

When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?"

Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten pushups.

Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?"

Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now therewere 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next.

Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him?"

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut"

Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut."

"Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda.

Then Dr Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry.

"Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?"

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not.When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."

"Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said. "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father,'into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

"Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding "Not all sermons are preached in words."

Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."

"Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"

(Borrowed from a friend's Xanga)


Ruptured Rhapsody

Ruptured Rhapsody

Bee-mused in the Country

Bee-mused in the Country

Seriously, though

I have found that a side effect of my conversion is the new way I relate to others.

Ever since my mom passed away I've been wary of forming attachments to people. Even my romantic involvements were fairly easy to get over (for the most part).

Here of late I've faced some changes that I'm working harder than normal to cope with. A part of me misses Fr. Rex in a major way. I'm not completely sure why- we weren't particularly close; I rarely saw him outside of Mass and never outside of church. All I can say for him is that he's a lovely human being and I happened to identify with him for some reason. He made a real effort to reach out to me, I guess, and I responded. He was also a major part of RCIA; I think we decided to attend St. John's for sure after he gave a homily.

I certainly thought I'd be past the point of feeling down about his transfer by now.

Not that it's all bad. It's not like he got transferred to Mars.

Someone on my other blog said that friendships rooted in Christ will actually grow with time and distance because the Body of Christ is eternal. That is a major comfort.

Not like this really matters...

... but why is it that so many people are compelled to ask me if Anastasia is my real name?

That strikes me as a bit rude. Would it be a real issue if it were not indeed my legal name? (It is. I can dig up my birth certificate if you like.) I guess in these parts it seems so outlandish a name for a little white girl.


Too funny

Follow the link. You'll be glad you did.


I'm doing better

No, really. I woke up feeling a lot better about things. I'm verging on optimism here. Funny how the prayers of strangers can uplift the spirits. That and a cup of good coffee. (Finally got to use my new grinder on some Starbucks Organic Shade Grown Mexico beans. Oh, man. Best coffee ever.)


Keeping it together (barely)

It just seems that there is no end to the battles I have to fight.

First my health (I'm still in quite a bit of pain). Then my car having electrical problems. Now my brother's car (which I've been driving) blows a radiator and is having other major issues.

Oh, and my ex still wants me back . He's being really nice about it, but still. I feel bad for him, and I still love him (usually, once you love someone you generally continue to love them, whether or not you want to be with them) and if he were Catholic and could tell his overbearing dad and jerkweed friends to back off and let him live his life I'd almost take him back. He's been so contrite about how badly our relationship ended. We had a long talk tonight. I just... I don't know. I love him, but I'm pretty sure I am called to something else.


Actually, I'm not quite as confident as usual on that front. I keep trying to reach out to God like Fr. John said to but I'm not getting anything. I'm scared. I don't feel God's presence anymore and on one hand I wonder what it is I've done to offend Him.

On the other hand, I can't stop believing, no matter how bad things get. Maybe it's another Satanic attack. Maybe it's a test of my will, to see if I'll keep going no matter how forsaken I feel.

My faith dies with me. Be aware of that.

God help me.



I prefer to blow things up, but whatever. So long as it's legal.

Thanks be to God. Now pass the bottle rockets.


CRM update!

Catholic Ragemonkey has finally seen an update for the first time in over a week. I appreciate that the good fathers who run it are busy men, but I'm still happy to finally have my fix. Hallelujah!


Faith must endure

"Sooner or later, He withdraws...all supports and incentives. He leave the creature to stand up on it's own two legs- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish..It is during such periods...that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be.
He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles... [Satan's] cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do [God's] will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."- C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

I got the rejection letter from St. John's today.


I think I've been tackling the whole discernment process a bit from the wrong end. What I should be doing is looking at all vocations objectively.

I felt that I had discerned married life pretty thoroughly since I was 13 or so. However, I don't think that I've ever looked at it objectively before. I feel that I could make quite a decent wife and mother. I know that I am willing to let that go if that's what God wants, but a part of me longs for a husband and children. (Not just any yahoo for a husband though. I am extremely picky on that score, which may be another sign that the religious life is for me.)

There is also always the single life. WHo says I have to be part of a religious order to be holy? I can hold down a job and remain chaste in accordance with my unmarried state.

I am certainly not saying that I've given over the idea of religious life, not in the least. I'm just trying to be objective.